Dark verses

A Twist in the Tale

2011-01-09T15:23:00.000-08:00

A journey to raze all,

The perils of a great big Fall.

The clutches of the frost,

Deters not at any cost.

The wrath of the serpentine path,

But me?, at the eye of the storm she hath.

All along an aquatic cover,

And atop a distant tower,

The sole thought of an enchanting goddess,

Of warmth and of immense fondness.

Shrouded in darkness and unwilling to unveil,

The course as uncertain as her trail.

Thoughts returned of that dreaded fall,

That hilarious night I vividly recall.

All the gallantry and all the pain,

Sheer mockery and in real vain.

The key to her kingdom?

She'd said-"later you bum!".

The lost love

2010-12-08T10:45:00.000-08:00

For you I long,

O angel of the moonlight song,

With me you belong.

Draped in ravishing white,

Almost blinding bright,

Still soothing is your sight.

Dare peer into those eyes,

Larger than gaping skies,

Of wonder black and o so wise.

In the softest lilt,

A heart would wilt,

Upon my ears dearest felt.

A glance your way,

You turn and I scarper away,

This game of love I play.

Unknown universe to unfold,

Joy to behold,

But only for the bold.

Of passion and care,

Emotions flare,

It's cupid's snare.

With your warmth and grace,

Wash my sins without a trace,

Beg put me to my place.

Slake my thirst,

Shelter me with your trust,

To shores of Eden we must.

To make dear, your heart

Frayed has mine and is torn apart,

Without you is a life to depart.......

The journey to grace

2010-12-08T10:42:00.000-08:00

She sneaked in right through the front door,

And dove straight into the deepest core.

She hung around a little while,

Until we were just about a mile.

The waves slapped against the shore,

Why would I want more?

I saw her slip and I saw her frail,

I didn't move I wouldn't bail.

A gentle touch, out came a smothered scream,

I wouldn't have it, I saw the seam.

She sowed seeds of birth,

It bloomed into the faintest mirth.

She had me coiled in her vine,

But vines support and it felt divine.

She looked grotesque at best,

But what lay within, no force would ever test.

But as I set, great shadows loomed,

There was a feeling that all was doomed.

As the beast within me unveiled itself,

That beauty wouldn't forgive herself.

I wander the shores, I look for the waves,

The seas are dry and my heart caves.

The tides have changed and so have lives,

I've enjoyed the rides and the heavy knives.

This day it ends and we part our ways,

But I'll love you forever and for always.

Poles apart

2010-07-19T13:12:00.000-07:00

That silence is deafening and sets me into disquietude. Blaring sirens go off with consummate tranquility. As moments flit past thoughts recur, rewind. Each time driving the nail further down. Each memory turns into a piercing shrapnel. Its titillating and throbbing. One that tries to belie the inexorable truth. Her gentility a foil to my bestial ways. I wonder and marvel at her imperfections. Those which perfectly light up my world. Devoid of traits noteworthy, those which I see in others and those which they portray, which sits so fulsomely in that bloody biological void which palpitates in all its futility. I catch fleeting glimpses of her intentions whose kernels elude me. I forage for clues in those misleading trails. Flustered with her omnipresence yet contrasting absence. Stranded in a island whose shores she frequents and ebbs. She is the sea. She's the island's all and only neighbor. The island waits for the deluge. Tempests run amok this island as whimsically as wafts of insane sanity. A threshold so daunting and so chimerical as much as figment. The more I seek the farther, the more distant she goes, elusive her. Be rid of her I can't even if I may so try. I chase a shadow and the next moment try and run away from it. Not mutually exclusive not mutually inclusive. A drudging troll am I and she an angelic elf. My affection as profound as my blind hate. A venom without which death is a certainty. Life blooms or withers? Am I falling into an endless abyss or perfectly still? If we are poles apart then our universe is horseshoe-shaped. Not a moment later I'm an asymptote and her Descartes' Folium.

Gratitude

2009-12-04T03:39:00.001-08:00

The phantasm of your mind(sic). It dunno how it originated and I wonder if its finite. The composite elements certainly speak otherwise. Fewer modes have come close to leaving me as entranced in its resonating wake. A black hole for all who tread its path. Its essence ever growing and always rekindled with its own offspring and others. A keystone in the justification of human grandeur.

Spanning between the simple and intricate each intricate or simple in the eyes of the beholder. A master at inducing moods. A haven for some and utopia to others. Tranquility for the those who seek it and a kick in the teeth for those who want it. Your best friend when there is none. Words to some, sounds to others, life to many. It has seemingly enriched most aspects of our lives, with the possible exception of science may be, to which it its a subject of fascination. It portrays society, history, philosophy, love and at times nothing!. Its the voice of the world. It echoes in eternity(sic). It will leave your feet tapping, hips swaying, heads banging. It might well leave you in tears.

An amalgamation of the feelings of exultation, of crumbling away, of peace, of vengeance, of abhorrence, of remorse, of poignancy, of forlorn, of longing... and some inexplicable.The whole nine yards. It leaves one enraptured and craving for more. If recreating/repeating it is so invigorating then conceiving it must be something else. Its an indispensable part of all our lives. I thank god (if there exists) for gifting humans with a sense of music.(I wonder though if other senses are capable of gratifying us in the same way independent of the others)

Self Preservation

2009-09-05T23:22:00.001-07:00

The endless craving for another's company, for too long have I blindly lived under this philosophy, this ideal, this longing to find comfort and solace amid what has felt like chaos and everlasting turmoil. I don’t really question my actions often enough. I’ve let my instinct grope for gentleness and care and warmth of a delicate flower not realizing that I’m in prickly, deadly swamp. I’ve looked too long for generous hearts and hearts I did find generously- in a pile of dead bodies – fucking dead hearts. I’ve deluded myself into thinking that there’s innocence, generosity, honor still out there. If it’s still out there then it’s a fucking travesty of what it should be is what I say. Humanity is fucking fallacy men like me fall for. Love inspires selfishness, people covet. It is love that’s the true cause for this endless saga. Evil’s the alter ego all that is good. There’s no good, it’s still just survival out there. In this world, where I’ve been taught selflessness is a virtue, there exists possibly none. All of us grow up. Why can’t I live without pain? The Buddha was right. Freedom from desire is the only way to attain salvation. In this context it’s quite immaterial. I just don’t want this mountain on my back anymore. I don’t want to please anyone anymore. It’s just me, more me and a lot more of me. Fuck all these rules of humans have invented -the courtesies, the manners and the etiquettes to allure people. If it feels good to see others happy then you're dumb, they don't give a fuck!. These phases have scarred my life long enough. I can’t in fact actually believe that I once enjoyed being in such a pitiable state. I’ve always innately felt that someday something bright will dawn. It didn't, it won't. Happiness is not peace. If I stopped talking to most people I know and talk only when it’s a matter of self preservation then no harm could come to me - This way I can't possibly hurt anyone else. If I decided to turn a deaf ear to what people have to say then I’ll never feel hurt. I don’t want their words of praise intertwined with conceit and deceit to delude me again.There has to be balance in nature. If there’s good there’s evil. If there’s happiness there is sadness. What if I contribute neither?

Imitation

2009-07-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

Now that I’ve thought about it, I think this is one of the most common facets I’ve often observed in most my peers (and hence in myself). I struck me just a few minutes ago (July the 18^th, 2009, 21:00) when a friend of mine asked me why I had decided to put up a certain picture, I’d found on the net, up on my profile. As I sought the answer for this seemingly innocuous question, I questioned myself, why did he ask such a question? Why do people accept (or are comfortable) only certain stream of thoughts or actions? Why do we?

From the time we set foot on this world our cognition skills are honed primarily, I think, by two processes. One by experiencing- baby touches hot pan, baby burns fingers, baby learns (baby cries too). The other, I strongly feel, may be subconscious sometimes, is imitation- baby watches parent hate someone/something, baby begins to hates too(or is urged to) –in essence, the inception of instinct, the inception of hate. I think that the definition each individual’s feelings and thought process is down to that individual’s experience or what’s been subconsciously drilled into his/her head. But besides these two, there is the hand of genes underlying, which may be at the helm but I really don’t know to what degree. It may seem that these processes are quite imperative to survival. We can see that even the animal kingdom exhibits similar traits (Of course we too are part of the animal kingdom, but we intend to see ourselves as separate class altogether despite being descendants). Newborns learn from their mothers various ways to survive in their environment while they are nurtured. Again it’s through imitation and experiences that their learning curves begin. However one notable feature of these curves is that imitation is existent only for a short period of the adolescence. Of course there’s the fact that the mother and its offspring part ways shortly after due training and hence the cessation of imitation, discretion takes over.

Human instincts, I think, develop much the same way when we are but fledglings. Then we are taught, we continue to imitate. Unlike our animal counterparts we don’t set off on our own quests. We let our environment, our parents, our peers dictate and define our individuality. Although there may be a few defining traits in each individual we’re all, more or less, in close ties with our herd. Somehow from all this arises the evils such as hatred, jealousy, prejudice, et al. Before you know it you innately hate a country, a race, a religion, a class, a genre of music, a sport, a different opinion and a different taste. We have found ways to compare but just as frequently we’ve judged. I’m no exception and have fallen victim to afore mentioned. Nations have gone into conflict, still do. People are ostracized. Distrust is rife in varying magnitudes. Now, in retrospect, I’m certain I would’ve loved to continue with art, as I once did, instead of pursuing a tormenting career, where there always seems to be more room for people to go at one another, if it wasn’t for some intervention of my environment. To discuss a more common scenario, my friends ask me to indulge in their field, their specialties. Why do they want to me to mimic them? Why do they have this great urge to cast a shadow? It absolutely disgusts me to see these people covet such imitations. I hate these fucking assholes! They have a limited set of questions to ask in order to accept a person into their group. Is he good at studies? is he good at quizzing? Is he a real party-guy? Is he a mind-fucked stoner? ….err No but he is pretty good at something else. Screw him that’s useless. But there are these other fucking chameleons too. They roll out the red carpet and usher you in with their kind and then wait for the opportune moment to exploit you. We go great lengths to confirm to the rules set by our society despite the degree of discomfort we find in it initially. We get used to it; we become a product of their environment. Passion for whatever we truly loved is smothered in a heartbeat. Besides impeding creativity, in the bigger picture this could have an even more profound effect. The picture alludes to the fact that we haven’t seen a new stream of thought emerge in some time. We have for long dwelt in music, sport, art, literature. The 20^th century saw the birth of technology and it has created a lot of buzz no doubt. These fields have continuously gone through phases of innovations and improvisations. But I ask myself, when is that new field going to emerge, which will leave us, begging for more? Sadly, when there is a break through, we put it down right away and frown upon it for it might not confirm with whatever we expected from it.

I remember the first day in my 11^th standard tuitions when my physics teacher urged us all to try and be unique in our ways of thinking; he called it ‘originality’. I forgot about that a few days later…until now. Why should we continue to imitate and not accept a free flow of thought? Why has such a simple and rudimentary fact of life blown so wildly out of proportion? What is with this predilection for hatred? Why are we shackled by rules? Why the fuck am I writing this article?

The Illusion of Friendship

2009-07-06T12:04:00.000-07:00

Lately I’ve been trying to scrutinize what this supposed holy, unblemished bond existent in most human relations is all about? (And why it has often eluded me? Or why I seem to think so) I began by trying to revisit the roots of this ubiquitous relation. I’m pretty sure that the issue has been well documented but without citing any of those, which probably make more sense than what I’m about to blurt out now, I wanted to retain my opinionated version of it.

To my reasoning ways it felt as though friendship was more a byproduct of making evolutionary ends meet. It is quite natural that an objective can be achieved in a more efficient manner when there’s collaboration between participating groups. I recall from one of biology classes that a cell, which, I think, is the most elementary form of all living organisms, collaborates with other similar or dissimilar cells to achieve a common goal. This probably results in a slightly more complex organism and when such a process repeats recursively, with it’s immediate ancestors as principal arguments, offspring of more complex and more evolved nature results. The need for this probably was survival in a changing environment.Repeat it for a millions of years and you have friendship. Now survival often doesn’t make the cut. Dominance inevitably ensues survival if desirable circumstances pitch in. There are several layers of dominance and those at the bottom of this chain will depend on inanimate entities. I’ve always pondered the need for dominance. It could’ve been something completely inadvertent. To validate, imagine a collection of an odd number of negative charges and two positive charges in a space and nothing else. It’s obvious one of the positive charges will have more negative charges than the other hence it’s more influential than the other should another negative charge enter this vicinity(Assuming no equilibrium conditions set in,this , I think, can't happen in a biological environment... a cell doesn't just loiter between two equal forces). I’d like to imagine a world without it, realizing that it fundamentally gave impetus for more complexity, but I guess it’s inevitable once it has been revved into motion. Unfortunately it’s perpetually in gear. The more we evolve the more we dominate.

Now the idea of love and friendship is the same to me. We befriend on the grounds and of benefits and common goals. Like cells we need each other to rise to a more evolved state. The more we collaborate the higher the degree of evolution. The higher the degree the more the followers, just like a more powerful positive charge attracts more negative charges than a less powerful one. It’s the trend setter. It might or might not have scruples. But whatever it may be it will allure less powerful. As the saying goes - “if you can’t beat them, join them”. There might be a system of mutually dependant charges attracted to one another. But if a there’s a more powerful system which passes by this system, in seeming tranquility, things will destabilize. Gotta beat them or join them. This is our mentality. Undaunted, some of them do whatever needed unfazed by the heights of the challenge. They flush past relations and principles, they started off with, down the drain just like the negative charges will give up it’s previous positive holder for the more powerful. But there are others still loyal to their mothers. They won’t let go because the mother has raised them long enough, close enough. This is like relationship between some parents and their children. But these are the forgotten ones... those insignificant charges which don't matter, which don't affect the big guns. While some children are forever loyal to parents, there are others who will desert them like the lovers who desert their previous partners, the so called friends who desert their friends for brighter prospects. The illusion is this…. Somewhere in our lifetimes we believe that there lies true love. To me at least, love is like the columbic forces that exist between charges. Although seemingly unbreakable, this is conditional. It’s unconditional subject to the circumstance that no other conditions exist. We all know that no columbic force; no force is unbreakable, not permanent. No love is unconditional; hence no love in essence exists. It’s all a mere illusion, a fucking lie sold to us. To believe in it’s sanctity is the stupidest mistake. Amidst all this I must believe that this is not the truth. I try to. But time and experience has taught me, has disillusioned me. You don’t have to concur with me in this regard.

The idea of hell

2009-05-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

Hell...

Still there,lingering in my mind like always,are myriad thoughts buzzing in my head,seemingly unimportant.They comprise of,for worse than better,all the seemingly inane assortment of incidents which revolve around my world.An eerie thought then struck me hard.Being a bit of an introvert,I had always kept to myself or stuck around with those few I found comforting.Yes,like a few angry men around me,I was slightly cynical and misanthropic.These qualities started consuming me even more as they rippled through common aspects of life of mine-The music I listened to,what I read,how I perceived the subtleties.Optimism was the occasional passing fad.I always felt that all this was inherently justified.Malicious,selfish,untrustworthy and unforgiving were some of the traits which I always sought to see.The society we live in probably does resonate with such imagery.I let this picture,the bigger picture I always assumed,fuel my anger,leave a lasting impression on my behaviour,here in the hostel and college too.I had crept into caverns of isolation and those whom I thought of as friends and those whom I never gave a damn about,had made this life of mine,living hell.
Not until recently did I come to grips with the true meaning of Hell.I'd always found refuge behind all the frustration I'd vent off from my own past.My past so plagued with ignominious debacles, I refused to see as my own fault and there began the blame-game without me ever realizing it.Behind the courageous words were just the transient glory I always chased.The future took an imminent course to oblivion.This behaviour never did make a man of real substance but was just a pretext for not being one.As I stood further aloof,I only grew more frustrated which is when I realized that I longed for them,for my new home.Now I would've probably never realized this inconvenient truth if not for this new found home of mine-Where I found brothers who stick out for you,inspire love,whom I never did seek,yet found.Where those with their eccentricities and ingenuity inspire respect and those despite their shortcomings in life,without a lot in their repertoire,their ignorance of blatant flaws all around inspire hope with their diligence and innocence.Where there are those who mock you and your presence without whom there would no longer be hunger in me to prove a point.Where some folks take it upon themselves to annoy you,get you all flared up and evoke thoughts which only to make you realize that just because you're losing doesn't necessarily mean you've lost.What had once blinded me,of which I was once proud of,has only proved my downfall.As I take short strides on this new journey,which is yet to convey all it's subtle nuances leaves me pondering at times.I hadn't quite understood the meaning of hell until I met y'all.Hell is not the 4 years which I'm bound to spend here.It's the time which ensues it...